Truth cannot be sought -- one can simply be receptive, that's all. When you become the deepest valley of receptivity, then the highest peaks of consciousness can be given to you. Only a valley can receive a peak." -Osho
The other day I sat down for a psychic reading session.
I was a bit nervous for this call, I could really feel this person's energy + a lot of resistance. We started the session and I shared with her the initial images and messages I was picking up from her space. She proceeded to tell me that none of what I said resonated for her.
That was the first time I've ever had anyone say that to me, but I wasn't that surprised because from my perspective, she seemed closed off.
When someone is coming to a session to test your abilities, or with an agenda or expectation about what they want out of the session, that never goes well.
I asked her what her questions were. She told me she just wanted to look at her work.
That was it.
I asked if she had a specific question about her work space. She said, "No, I just want to see what you get."
Oh. I see.
So I shared what I got. I picked up that she was a boss in her work life. That she managed a lot of people. Had to have a lot of communication. Was holding a lot of space for people. Had to be really in her masculine to do this.
And I proceeded to share with her what I could see about how her work was energetically impacting her, where it was located in her body, what she was taking on, and that I could see that she wasn't happy in her position.
She said none of that resonated for her.
So, I asked specifically..."Are you a boss?" She said, "Yes."
Then she said that all I was picking up was that she was a boss.
This is a tricky, tricky slope.
I asked her what she was looking for or what she wanted. She said that she had read my reviews and that people seemed "blown away" and she was waiting to really feel like I was blowing her away.
Uh-oh. I'm gonna break this down for us now.
We can't really compare what someone else gets in a session to our own session. If we enter into anything with big expectations, then we're not actually open. We're fishing, we're looking for something, and so we're not actually receiving what's there in front of us.
This is a very sort-of cynical, "prove it to me" energy.
And as we know, what we put out, we get back. You can't approach someone with an agenda and HIGH expectations, waiting for your BIG moment, judging everything you hear as either good enough, or not good enough.
What's that all about?
I'm not some all-seeing, future-predicting, know everything psychic. I don't think anyone is. What I am is a very clear channel and conduit for information and guidance.
I am able to see your aura, chakras, energy + where it's stuck and where it's flowing. I am able to see your talents, your passions + what's in the way. I'm also able to see how you *really* feel, what emotions you're carrying + what may be hidden from your view- the karmic overlays in your super conscious mind.
The thing is...the people who have come to me and really get value and are blown away, they're people who are open and willing to be moved.
When someone approaches me and they want our reading to be a certain way, then there's no room in that for spirit, or for free-flowing energy. They are not as willing to be seen, for they aren't open, and therefore, the session isn't going to go as well.
I have no interest in "prove your abilities to me" clients.
That's a harsh, defensive place to live and it lacks love. Please don't do that.
And herein lies our problem.
How do you tell someone, "You're being super judgmental, rigid, and closed off. You're testing + you're full of expectations + you're trying to control this and therefore I can't make a connection with your heart. You're being so masculine and action-oriented and controlling that you're pushing me away- and hey, that's what you do in your life!"
So, what I wanted to say was:
"I don't know why you think you're coming to me because you won't actually ask any questions and I can't read all the information openly because you're not being open. So, this is the real issue- you're so full of expectations from others, and so interested in others proving their worth to you, because you lack so much self-worth, that you're not willing to give much at all, *really* and so you're constantly disappointed, unable to receive and totally carrying pain and grief as a result."
I kept sharing with this woman as gently + directly as I could, that there was a lot of intense masculine energy in her space and that given that she was a boss, she was living in one side of her body, the masculine. She was use to being very directive, and controlling and giving orders.
That's as far as we got.
What I never got to say was that she was here in front of me because she desired to be more in her feminine. Her left side, feminine, receiving receptor was broken. She wasn't able to let in the love or care of others and therefore was carrying around some intense, albeit unconscious, grief.
This is a very off-balance way to live. We have to be more in alignment with both parts of ourselves, our giving self and our receiving self- for both are important.
I saw a lot of sadness, grief, unconscious energy and dis-satisfaction with this way of living, and that pervaded all parts of her life- relationships, work, etc. I so wanted to make a difference for her, to bring all this into the light of day.
I think the little I did tell her were things she was not yet aware of and not willing to hear.
If she is so identified with her job, and it defines how she acts, and how she behaves, and who she thinks she is, and I come along and say that she's not happy and there's a lot of grief in her space about this...well, of course that won't resonate. For that would be a paradigm shift + a total bust up of her reality!
I have to trust what I see in a reading. And at this point in the game for me, I do. Implicitly.
I know that if I'm being shown something, that's what there is to say. And sometimes, people won't be able to hear it.
So often in a session, I simply describe what I see. I literally see images and symbols for people and I just tell them what I'm looking at.
She didn't relate to those symbols and I do think it's because she's not yet aware of how she really feels. She's been so masculine, so identified with her roles, so busy controlling life, including our reading, that she's not been able to receive the messages, insight, guidance and healing her spirit so desires! These are feminine arts + she's blocking her own connection to her own soul!
15 minutes in, in her refusal to ask me any questions, and after her insistence that nothing I said was resonant, I offered her a refund and ended our session. I aim to please. I'm a sensitive soul.
And not everyone sits down with a stranger and proceeds to share with them intimate details of what they see in their life, and what emotions they're carrying and what energies are stored where.
Not only do I see clairvoyantly, but then I have to find the words to describe what I see, while doing my best to tread lightly, yet be powerful enough to pierce through unconsciousness. It takes courage, vulnerability, wisdom and talent to sit in front of strangers and proceed to read them in a fashion that leaves them feeling that they got value.
I saw all this stuff about her, and she said I saw nothing that resonated. And that's an interesting word choice. For to resonate means to be filled with a deep, full, reverberating sound.
If you're not open, if you're not choosing consciousness, if you're putting up walls and blocking yourself and cutting off your heart and trying to control everything, how can you possibly let in anything, let alone a deep, and full reverberation?
Depth, wisdom, heart, truth, these are all FULL and DEEP vibrations...these require a capacity to be moved, to be seen, to be vulnerable. To be moved by another, our heart must be open.
What she wanted was the experience of being blown away- or, blown wide open. This requires a willingness to crack open, be seen, be vulnerable and FEEL. This requires a connection to our feminine soul.
Hence, the rigid controlling masculine, and all the grief. But I guess I didn't get anything right.
Part of me felt like I failed her because maybe I didn't put it in a way she could hear it or understand. Maybe in all my readings, I've gotten comfortable and I forget that what I'm talking about is deep stuff. However, the truth is that I showed up, did my best and no matter what I said, I don't think it was getting in--- there was no opening.
Being read is about being open.
Having faith in the person you're trusting to share with you. It's about being curious. It's about open-mindedness.
It's about receiving. It's about faith in spirit. It's about making a deep connection with another soul and allowing yourself to be filled by the presence of the Holy Spirit.
It's not about me telling you the name of your business.
An experience like this can really make my heart ache. It really triggers my wound of unworthiness and feeling like everything is personal. After my initial collapse into negative thoughts like: maybe I should quit, maybe I've lost it, maybe I did something wrong...
I came back home to the heart of my truth. I am a clairvoyant. I see deeply, but only into those who are willing to be seen.
In the end, my work is about supporting the Divine Feminine. About supporting sisters in seeing their truth + stepping into the light of love. I'm here for connection. Heart to heart. Soul to soul. Psychic means 'of the Soul' ya know?
I'm about psychic healing- soulful healing. Seeing what's there to let go and heal so we can reclaim our power. I'm not about proving that I can see that you have a dog named Rusty. One is so much more important than the other...
I leave you today with this quote from Theodore Roosevelt’s speech Citizenship In A Republic, delivered at the Sorbonne (1910):
The Man in the Arena
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.
The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;
who strives valiantly;
who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming;
but who does actually strive to do the deeds;
who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause;
who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”