Photo courtesy of Free Digital Photos
Photo courtesy of Free Digital Photos

A Course in Miracles says that relationships are Divine assignments.

I love to think of relationships this way. That our partners are sent to us as angels from the Divine, to teach us, to help us grow, to mirror what we need to see & heal.

Aren’t we all just actors on a stage, relating with one another to prompt our evolution and growth, so at last we come to see our oneness and true nature as loving, infinite beings?

That all sounds great and well; yet, the down and dirty business of relationships can be heart-wrenching & challenging. Our deepest wounds get triggered. We can question all we know & all we are. We can writhe in the pain of our stories.

Regardless of how long a relationship lasts, we can be profoundly impacted by it. Often, the people we are intimate with act as catalysts for us, prompting great growth & change. Our wounds come up to be healed.

Even though it can be painful & messy, I truly believe that when we face and feel those tough emotions, they release and foster health.

Sometimes, we’ve healed all that we can with our current partner and it’s time to move on. Sometimes, it’s not working and we have to realize, this is too hard.

Relationships are work, but they shouldn’t be hard; especially not in the beginning. 

Only you can tell if your relationship lifts you higher, serves you and is contributing to your growth as a human being.

As women, I’ve found that we know early on whether or not a guy is really a good fit for us.

I’m sure you can relate.

You meet a great guy and have high hopes that  this relationship will work and this guy will turn out as dreamy as he seems upon first glance.

You see a red flag, but ignore it anyway. (Often I see red-flags on the first date.)

C’mon, everyone deserves a fair chance, right?

Months down the road, that first flag, and all the subsequent ones, are the issues in our face that we know we must deal with. Only now, we’re bonded, feeling love & getting use to having a companion. This makes it harder to draw a line in the sand and stick to our knowing.

Now we are in a sticky web and we must extract ourselves. Extraction hurts.

Like it or not, this relationship is one we must leave behind.

If we’re honest, we must admit that we saw those early warning signs and we should have paid attention. Once again, we knew it all along. Ah, well. We’ll do better next time, right? 

We live & learn. (Hopefully.)

If we see these patterns repeating, we may not be learning the lesson. Sometimes, these Divine assignments are tests from the universe, here to see if we can truly choose the opposite of the way we’ve chosen in the past. Sometimes, our tempting lover is an angel in disguise, here for us to practice setting boundaries and saying, “No.”

Here are some red flags you should not ignore. Perhaps in sharing them with you, you’ll find greater strength next time the truth is staring you in the face. Maybe you’ll take action to leave, rather than becoming entangled in an affair that really doesn’t serve you.

15 Relationship Red Flags You Should *NOT* Ignore:

1. He’s vague when answering your questions.

2. He hangs out with his ex (or many of them) and you haven’t been invited to meet her (them).

3. You’re not sure how he makes his money.

4. He doesn’t have any hobbies/groups/activities he participates in outside of the relationship.

5. He pushes to have sex right away.

6. He attempts to have intercourse without a conversation about birth control or STDs.

7. He doesn’t invite you to his house.

8. You have hunches or feelings that something’s not right.

9. He wants to move in right away.

10. If you ask for healthy space, or state your needs, he pulls away, or gets mad, or crosses your boundaries.

11. He breaks commitments to be with you.

12. He lies to you or others.

13. He doesn’t walk his talk.

14. He hides you from important people in his life.

15. He’s addicted to a substance.

Truly, this list could go on. I’ll stop it here.

If I have one message for you, it’s that we all want to love and be in love, but we must learn that unhealthy relationships aren’t real relationships and that’s not love. 

As good as it is to have standards & boundaries & needs, it’s better to be able to actually hold to those standards & boundaries & needs. What would be possible if you believed someone when they show their true colors the very first time? 

Animals, children & old people deserve our unconditional love. Everyone else does not.

We can love anyone; just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. Remember, often soul-mate relationships are relationships that teach us lessons, but are not meant to be life-long partnerships.

If you’ve experienced, or are experiencing, a relationship with any of the above red flags, you should leave. Now.

Good news is, after you get some space, you will feel better. I promise. 😉

We have to be willing to have high standards and hold true to our wants & needs. In this way, we can find a relationship that serves us well.

Sorry if it hurts.

When it does hurt, here’s how I think of it: We’re all souls travelling together. We don’t die. You’ll get a go-round at it again, or you’ll meet up on the other side.

Nothing’s ever lost. Truly.

All my love and a bag of chips (Organic, non-GMO chips, of course)

xo

Rachel Claire

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