Six Ways to Be Lonely

6 ways to be lonely

To be human is to be lonely sometimes. We’re in a fast-paced world, with a lot of expectations and pressures. Many of us are disconnected from our friends, and families, so busy are we with raising our children, working, or chasing dreams, that we no longer make time to gather around the fire and share stories.

We’re not in tribal society anymore. We don’t have the same supports known to humanity in the way that it evolved long ago, before screens and Facebook and email.

In all the business, all the expectations, and all the pressures of a consumeristic, futuristic, technology filled world, we feel lonely sometimes. It’s normal.

I’m listening to Pema Chodron’s amazing book, Uncertainty.

She describes loneliness like this:

It’s restless and pregnant and hot with the desire to escape…

Then, she goes on to speak of the six ways to be lonely. So often, in this world filled with commercials for every kind of pill, or shows and social media that allow us to avoid our feelings, we escape our loneliness.

What if instead, we meet it, right here, right now? In this tender moment, when our heart is feeling broken, is where we get to touch the infinite space of the human heart.

Here’s the Six Ways to Be Lonely:

  1. Less Desire: The willingness to be lonely without resolution
  2. Contentment: That we no longer believe escaping our loneliness will bring happiness, courage or strength
  3. Avoiding unnecessary activities: We stop looking for something to entertain us or save us
  4. Complete discipline: At every opportunity we’re willing to come back to the present moment with compassionate attention.
  5. Not wandering in the world of desire: This is about relating with exactly how things are without trying to make them okay
  6. Not seeking security from one’s discursive thoughts: No longer seeking the companionship of constant conversation with ourselves.

My wish for you today is that you get to be where you are, who you are, fully, really.

That you don’t have to change, to escape, or try to be some way you’re not. 

May you feel how you feel, right here, right now, even it it’s hot and pregnant with uncomfortability.

You have permission to be you. You don’t have to pretend. You don’t have to change. I’m okay if you’re not happy all time time.

To your authentic unfoldment,


Rachel Claire



Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.