Falling in love, in my experience, is vulnerable.
I feel insecure, scared.
The key is to recognize this feeling. Name it. Own it.
I think the key to healing in most any situation starts with acknowledgment.
When we acknowledge something, it gives completion.
Then, we can choose what to do, or not do about it, but at least then it is in our awareness, and the light that we are knows how to heal.
Do you feel vulnerable, scared & insecure when you begin to feel for someone on an intimate level?
Owning what happens for us inside is powerful.
To me, it is a practice of honoring the little girl within, my inner-child, who is afraid, who knows that she’s been wounded.
Most people on the planet have been wounded on some level. That energy is stored in our Chakras, or energy body. When we enter into relationship on an intimate level with someone, those wounds can be triggered.
If we don’t deny, hide, or push away our feelings, we can bring the wounded one home, fold them in, nurture the part of us that is the archetype of the wounded child, and rest in, knowing that the adult is now running the show and can take over.
She (wounded child) doesn’t have to please, perform, negotiate, or be awesome to win love.
She can rest here in my arms, while I make choices in alignment with heart & mind.
Falling in love is scary!
At first, it is enticing & exciting. We get the rush of chemicals as we are attracted, have hot sex, and join with someone.
Soon enough, we build attachment. We cling. Our insecurity rears its head & we feel needy. It’s a natural part of connection.
So, what can we do when we fall in love?
- The first step is acknowledging our feelings and showing up for ourself:
This can look like spending time in quiet meditation, imagining comforting our inner child, journaling, nurturing ourselves with nature and time in soft, sensual settings that feel safe. Ask: What is this? What am I aware of?
- The next step is to put our cards on the table, but not in the other person’s lap!
At some point it’s time to own how we feel. We might say, “I notice I feel scared because I like you and that leaves me feeling vulnerable.” We say this to be transparent & to own our feelings, but not to put ourselves in the other person’s lap, so to speak.
It’s not up to the other to do anything to fix or change, but rather it’s a brave practice in being vulnerable, so that we are authentic & available to real love & intimacy. We have to share our desires & needs, in a loving way, while not expecting that they be met by the other. I like to call it, not putting yourself in the other person’s lap.
- The third thing we can do is remember to take our eye off of the prize:
We can’t know the big picture, but we can ask, “Please show me the next step for me today.” We must take it, day by day, in surrender, allowing life to unfold in the way that it will. Know that if we are authentic, and we feel our feelings and speak our needs, that’s all we can do.
Then, we get to choose from there. A little help, via questioning spirit, is the cherry on top.
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