Are You Unknowingly Ruining Relationships because You Keep Doing This?
When someone shares vulnerably, or deeply, this is NOT an invitation for advice.
If they’re asking for your advice, then that’s an invitation to give advice.
However, someone showing up and revealing their FEELINGS is not an opening for you to give advice.
When you do this, you actually put yourself on a higher level- it seems as though you think you’re better than, or know more, or that you’re in a more capable, powerful position.
That actually will make the people who share with you retreat from you + not trust you. They won’t want you around.
What we all want is to be seen, validated, gotten.
What most of us never really want is advice.
I want to have the EXPERIENCE of sharing. I want to have the EXPERIENCE of being real + open + vulnerable and have that be received without you feeling you must fix, change, or alter what I’m experiencing.
Can you witness? Can you hold space?
This is true strength and power.
You showing up with your advice, telling me what to do, does not meet me where I want to be met.
When I share, I love when people show up with gratitude, or appreciate that I shared, and do not get lost in the “content” thinking that there’s something in there that needs fixing.
The fastest way to put a wall between you and another is to hear their vulnerability as something “wrong.”
I feel all sorts of angry, messy, sad, unworthy ways. Simply because I am a human being.
The gift is in you witnessing my authenticity. My realness. It’s generous of me, and open-hearted of me, to share with you my realness.
And I, in my willingness to feel the deep and the dark, and give voice to it, gives voice to those archetypal parts in ALL OF US. It’s a gift to express the messy, dirty, business of life.
It’s a teaching, words, symbols, that point to greater TRUTHS that can facilitate awakening in all of us, if we’re open to the message, and not caught up in our “concerns” for the messenger.
You, showing up, in any way other than receptive, or grateful, is counter-productive.
And frankly, if you’re not in the game- if you’re not being vulnerable, sharing openly, expressing yourself in your writing, or videos, or publicly, then I don’t care as much about your opinion on my experiences, as you’re not in the game. You gotta get in the game of being authentic, and creative and SHARING before your commentary on my sharing will have much clout.
That I’m messy, or wounded, or have hurts and aches and pains, doesn’t mean that I’m not deeply wise- incredibly strong, magnificently brave and FULLY CAPABLE.
I KNOW what to do. I KNOW how to be with it. I KNOW how to change it. I KNOW how to feel it. THE LIGHT IN ME KNOWS HOW TO HEAL.
Please, if you really “love” me, then meet me, where I am, how I am, with what I show up with, and just be there. Just witness. Just hold space. Empathize. See me.
For Goddess sake, please don’t try to fix me. I am not, never have I been, nor will I ever be, BROKEN.
All my love,