If there’s one job we have in relationship, it’s to clearly communicate our needs. Then, it’s up to the other person whether or not they’ll meet them.
The problem is that we have to unravel the past conditioning we’ve inherited.
We’re trained to not really show up, to not put our needs on the table, to not be vulnerable, to test the waters to see if we’re safe.
Yet, when it’s someone close, someone we value and love, we have to show up.
That means go within and go deep any chance you get. Get on your cushion, roll out your yoga mat, go for a walk in nature, pull out your journal and meet yourself.
It’s in meeting ourselves that we find peace and pleasure and an expanse as rich and wide as the mighty universe, all right inside the tiny infinitude of our great, beating heart.
As soon as I love myself, like really value and treasure the being that I am, and truly know what I bring, what I hold, what I have to offer, then I am prepared to meet a loving partner in another, and to treat that spirit and soul with the same great love and kindness I hold for me.
So, to show up and actually know our needs, let alone voice them, we have to know what they are, and that takes something. It takes going deep within.
You’ve got to check-in and relate with your mind and the emotions stored in your body.
You gots to heal, yo!
To heal you have to FEEL.
The problem is that we’re trained in this world to project onto our partners and run relationship that way.
That’s just being unconscious.
What we’ve got to learn is to put ourselves in the middle, the center, the vortex of our lives and truly learn and practice what it means to love self and put self first. Then, we know what desires live inside our rich heart, and that’s called being conscious. That’s being present.
To get at the heart of your desires and values, there are some easy questions for you to ask.
Three Questions You Must Ask in Relationship:
- What about me?
- What do I want?
- Am I getting it?
After that, If you’re not getting it, then create it yourself and be fulfilled in the process.
What about me? Is an important question because we have to value ourselves, believe that we matter and that we deserve to receive what we want.
What do I want? Is a vital question to ask because when you know what you want, you’re being conscious, when you are conscious, you are present.
Am I getting it? This question helps us realize what’s missing and then we can give it to ourselves and be fulfilled!
Here’s a question for you:
What are you expecting other people to give you that you aren’t giving to yourself?
Let me explain.
If you can truly know what you desire (by slowing down, sitting still, and listening to the wisdom within) and then you can clearly state what you want to another, and then you can give it to yourself without projecting it onto them or expecting them to meet your need for you, then you have embodied unconditional love.
We don’t cut them out, but we don’t put ourselves in their lap, either.
Loving someone, allowing them to be there, however they are, not reacting or rejecting, but simply allowing, IF YOU CAN DO THAT, then you are living UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
The alternative is projecting onto others, chasing them, pushing them away, thinking that they have the power to give us what we desire and then being angry when they don’t.
If we’re upset, that’s a clue to our currency. Oh, hey, I like attention. I like adoration. Once we sense those are missing, and that we need them and want them, we know ourselves better and we can tell others clearly what we need.
What would it be like if you showed up to your relationships KNOWING your gifts, the medicine you bring, and you shared that lovingly, willingly, and did NOT EXPECT the other to offer what is YOURS to offer?
What if you knew your needs and you clearly voiced them and communicated, not from a place of “you didn’t, you should have…” but from a centered place, and then if the other did not meet those, YOU GAVE THEM to yourself, delightfully, without expectation or blame?
How juicy, fulfilling, freeing and peaceful would that be?!
So, get on with it my friends! Get down to the sacred, holy middle of your juicy heart and feel away. Feel you whole heart out. Ache. Cry. Laugh, be in joy, but feel what you feel. FULLY.
Then, show up in your relationships knowing who you are, what you bring and that you CAN get all your needs met!
To your deep fulfillment,
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