I saw many people talking about Tony Robbins and what he said at a recent event.
I watched the video.
Here’s where I’m coming from. I’ve lived through domestic violence. I’ve called the police, more than once, on more than one significant other.
I know what it is to be harassed and abused, both physically, mentally and emotionally.
I also see where Tony is coming from. His work is about helping people heal from pain- and to do this he does a lot of pattern disrupting and encouraging radical responsibility.
The dancing, music, talking to neighbors, cussing, it all is meant to be a pattern-disruption, to change your state, to raise your vibe and get you operating from a new level.
He’s also suggesting that we all have done things we aren’t proud of, and he even quotes Jesus in the Bible, when he says, “He that is without sin, let him cast the first stone.”
I get this. I agree. He’s talking about concepts such as radical responsibility, being 100% accountable for our life and our choices and actions.
He’s talking about non-judgment, forgiveness, and not being in victim consciousness. I’m down with all of that.
And here’s what’s missing.
When we’re talking about #metoo we’re talking about women who have been raped, violated, harassed, abused, threatened.
We’re talking about women who have been in a relationship with someone they thought was going to love them, who ended up hurting them.
We’re talking about women who have birthed children from men who they fear and don’t trust.
We’re talking about post-tramatic stress, trauma, healing.
And if you want to go out there and create change and grow your business and achieve new goals, then getting pumped up, dancing and raising your state is a fantastic way to do that, especially if you’re a man.
But women? The women I know? We wail.
When we’re really going deep, and we’re really healing, we sit in circle and wail.
We’re healing deep pain, deep disappointment, wounds from birthing forth life from our blood soaked bodies whilst our man calls us a fat, worthless, pig.
I’m not gonna stand up after that and dance and cheer and pump my fists and hug my neighbor.
I’m not going to suggest to a young girl, freshly raped, that she just go jump up and down, raise her vibe and get on with it! For, we’ve all sinned, right?
If I know anything about healing, I know this.
Real healing takes real feeling. Deep feeling. Sitting there- silent, or not, going through the pain.
Letting it break your heart and break you open.
Not so you can stay stuck, ruin your life, and be a big victim forever. But so you can truly begin again.
What I think Tony missed, that’s being called forth through the feminine, is the right for women everywhere to have a VOICE. To speak up. To let people know when something has happened.
Harvey Weinstein, Donald Trump, and so many others, these are men who are using their power and positions to commit haneous, immoral and illegal acts against women.
#metoo is about bringing this shadow behavior into the light. It’s about letting young women, girls, all women, know that they’re not alone, they can speak up, it’s okay, we’ll believe them…they don’t have to keep this secret, they don’t have to go along with it, this behavior is never okay.
What I think we’re struggling with now is how we marry these two places. Yes, we’re conscious, awake, aware. Yes, we believe that we create our reality and we’re 100% responsible and accountable for our lives and our choices, and the impact we have.
And yes, too, paradoxically it seems, we know that when someone else abuses us, it’s not okay. And we didn’t create that behavior, we didn’t choose it, we didn’t cause it.
Now, I know, on a high spiritual level, where I think Tony is coming from, we can say, “Yes, I don’t want to stay stuck, I don’t want to be a victim, I don’t want to blame, or ruin my life because I’m so angry!” but before we can do that or say any of that from a place of true authenticity, we need to know that we can come out and speak the truth…
“Hey, this happened to me. Hey, I need help! Hey, I’m alone, I’m afraid, I’m suffering, I’m hurting, something bad is happening here and no one will help me!”
We have to be able to be allowed the space to claim our experience, our feelings, and our needs. Otherwise, we’re just bypassing!
And this is what I think so many of us are grappling with. Yes, we believe in 100% radical responsibility and that we’re powerful creators. And YES, we believe that we get to speak up, speak our truth, feel what we feel, see what we see and KNOW what we know.
The feminine, as she rises, needs men to step aside in a way. I mean that with the utmost respect. Many of us LOVE men.
We love the men in our lives. AND, men have been telling THEIR story, their opinion, their belief, for so long now, that we need you to stop talking so much and start listening.
We need men to hold space. Protect us. (By creating a safe container.) Listen to us. Allow us to feel. Bare witness.
Let us teach you the power of accessing your emotions from deep within so that you can begin to wail and wail and receive healing from all of your sins.
As for Tony Robbins, I mean, c’mon, what a guy! He’s changed millions of lives. He’s a mega-star! And, he’s a big man. Though he’s known pain, he hasn’t every been a woman. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be raped or beaten as a woman.
So, maybe his methods are great for those they’re great for, but it’ doesn’t mean he’s got the full perspective on #metoo or being a woman.
And so, in some ways, perhaps even guys as great as THE Tony Robbins, have to step aside…it’s not enough that you know, like, marry, or hire women…you have to listen to them, too.
With all my love,