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I suppose as a young girl my fantasies were similar to many women: I wanted to grow older, be happy, get married and have children.

Nowadays, the complexity of adult relating has descended upon my life & I realize it’s not all so simple.

Here’s what I know for sure: What is most appealing to me at this point in my life is creating relationships with people that are deep, lasting & real.

It’s fun to meet new people. It’s fun to be light, social & play. Yet, at the end of the day, I want to be deeply seen & known.

It takes time for a sensitive person like me to open up to new people. What I yearn for and treasure most are the types of relationships that are with people over many years, where we know one another on a deep level as we go through the seasons of our lives.

In this busy day & age, that’s not easy.

People move, things change.

That’s why I am working on getting real with myself about what I desire.

Not what I think others want me to be, but more like a question:

What is an authentic way of relating for ME, that feels nurturing & fulfilling?

If I know what I desire to create, then I can be honest about that.

If I don’t know what I want, then I can’t have it.

What’s most true for me is that I enjoy intimate, exclusive, & loving one-on-one attention.

What do you most desire in your intimate relationships?

Do you choose for you?

I think nowadays many people give exclusivity a bad rap. Plenty of people have exclusive, intimate, loving partnerships that are based on a mutual fulfillment.

Some are within the agreements of a marriage, but that’s not what holds the relationship together.

What holds the relationship together is two people authentically fulfilled by a deep resting in and enjoyment of one another.

We’re all taught to seduce & negotiate for love based on sex.

The problem becomes that too often women will give casual sex to a man, and say that it’s okay if he’s open and seeing other women, when really, what she truly wants, is a deep, fulfilling & exclusive relationship.

This is NOT all women. Plenty of women want open relationships. 

Yet, I notice that for me and many of the women with whom I converse, there exists a misperception that open relationships are the most progressive, mature, open-minded, loving thing people who are “evolved” can choose.

That if we’re “advanced” we’ll get that love is open & infinite & therefore can be shared amongst many, with more for all…

The problem is that this discounts that for some people, your deep desires & values may really call for exclusive, one on one, loving attention and that has nothing to do with the confines of an agreement, but is actually based on a fullness, a wholeness, a completeness.

It’s about really knowing what’s TRUE FOR YOU INSIDE. What happens for YOU when you give/receive energy?

At its core, it’s about knowing ourselves.

What if we could just choose for ourselves, and give up that it’s more conscious, progressive, or hip to be any one particular way?

What if it’s TOTALLY OKAY THAT YOU WANT EXCLUSIVE ONE ON ONE ATTENTION?

I’m not attempting to convince people who enjoy open relationships to be in long-term, exclusive partnerships, but I AM attempting to point out that for some people that is a fulfilling choice that is based on deep values & knowing what works for you & your energy. You don’t have to be progressive or cool & try to go along with something when it DOESN”T WORK FOR YOUR SYSTEM!

What are some benefits of going along for the ride with someone?

  • Being deeply known: What could be more enriching & fulfilling than actually having another being on the planet who cares about who you really are? What happens for you when you can rest in with one person in particular?

 

  • Being deeply seen: How scary & exciting is it to have someone really see you, know you and reflect back your magnificence and your crap? Do you cultivate relationships in which you feel deeply seen?

 

  • Having another being to count on: What gets created for you when you know you are “special” to someone & you can really count on them? Do you feel you can count on someone when they are seeking love/attention from others?

 

  • Building a family/life together:  At some point, if we are perpetually changing partners, do we look around one day and feel utterly unknown? Do you desire to rest in, or are you more diverse? What would nurturing the ground of an emotionally intimate relationship create for you?

 

  • Creating magic in the world: How awesome is it when two adults generate and create something together to share with the world that makes a contribution!?

 

  • Safety: Do you feel safe when you know you have a provider, protector, & someone who has proclaimed their love & adoration for you? Do you have wounding that you can create safety around in the resting in of exclusive partnership?

 

  • Spiritual Fire: Is a relationship a spiritual practice for you? Does it work for your system when others are receiving the loving attention of your chosen partner?

 

  • It’s Rare: I know lots of people who leave. Plenty who walk away. What would it be like to stay with someone? What would that make possible?

 

  • The ins & outs of your day: What’s better than having someone who knows the story of your life, of how you created what you live, and who knows the small details & actually celebrates with you?

 

  • Magnification of Power: Where two or more are gathered together, there I am, said Jesus. Are we better together? What’s possible when two people who love deeply commit to one another? It is the love of many a good man or woman that has amassed many a fortune.

Whatever you authentically want in a relationship works, so long as you know what that is and voice those desires.

We can’t keep changing costumes in an attempt to win love. We never have to negotiate for love.

Why? We don’t have to. 

We get to be who we are. Give yourself what you want. Believe that you can have it.

If you’d like to work on your deservingness, your desires, & hone in on what’s really true for you, then I’d love to serve you.

Click the link to sign up for a FREE strategy session. Let’s get on the phone.

Here’s to having (and knowing) what you desire!

XO

Rachel Claire