We make BIG life choices & we make LITTLE life choices and when we include someone else in those BIG choices, we grow a trust; confidence that the other will be there to support us & provide some level of security.
I’ve been wrestling with something lately, for in many new age thought systems, there’s the realization that we are infinite beings.
Would an infinite being need security? Trust? No.
Yet, the truth is, we are here in the physical, in this form and we are living life in a body.
The truth is we are going to create, some of us at least, families. We are going to build businesses. We are going to build, join, rely, trust, join & vision.
In order for this to work, there has to be a level of trust. For trust to flourish, what do we require?
This is a good question to ask.
In any new relationship, it’s good to live the questions. Here are some to start with:
- What is required of me?
- What will this relationship provide?
- Will it be fun, generative & expansive?
- Do I want a relationship with this person?
Don’t try to find the answers. Just notice what arises, what are you aware of?
When we enter into energetic & emotional intimacy with someone, it is a VERY intimate act.
For some of us, that level of intimacy requires an exclusive container.
I’ve struggled with questions about what I require, what deals I want to make, and whether or not I’m open to polyamorous relationships. I’ve been so fiercely independent, that I’ve attempted to convince myself that I don’t require certain things in relationship, for I’ve wanted to be open-minded & I’ve tried to negotiate for love.
Here in Boulder, Colorado, where I live, and in the communities of which I am a part, open relationships are very common. As a result, I’ve changed myself to adjust and fit what I think others want.
I believe some of us are more diverse and suitable to open relationships, and for some of us, a resting in, a tight container in which two people are exclusive, is quite fulfilling.
Most of us are taught to negotiate for love based on seduction. So, how do we create a connection with another that involves more than just our lower chakras, but includes the heart & is honoring, full of a resting in, that is fulfilling?
I believe we start by acknowledging our desires.
Owning that we don’t have to negotiate for love, ever. Realizing that if we desire it, we can side with ourselves, give permission for us to just BE, and that it is our birthright to appreciate & desire, exclusive, one on one attention from another.
Yeah, that’s right, it is OUR BIRTHRIGHT. It’s our birthright to receive exclusive, adoring, loving attention.
Can you give yourself permission to receive that, if that’s what you desire?
What do you require in relationship? What are the deals you desire to make?
When we exchange energy with another, it is a very sensitive thing because many of us have been wounded on that level. There’s a huge contraction about this, for whom among us had really open, attuned care-givers?
To circumvent this wounding, many of us will choose to just bond through sex.
We think if we hook up our second Chakra, that that will take us to a connection via the heart. It doesn’t.
Heart connection takes a willingness to be open, to feel our pain, to sit in our discomfort. To be still.
To truly meet another in intimacy, means that we have to have truly met ourselves. If we are avoiding or running, then we are only seeking artificial stimulation and running from our wounded part. It’s all first Chakra stuff, with no consideration of the heart.
We have to meet the wound.
It’s not something we can rush through. It takes presence, power, and asking for help. You may need a good friend to touch you, give eye contact, hold you. Meeting our wounds is an expelling of energy from our nervous system. It’s deep stuff and has to be done on a physiological level.
Once we are willing to meet ourselves, to meet and acknowledge that we are wounded and scared and running or reacting, we can stop. We can go through it. This loosens the grip.
Then, we are free.
This is VERY deep work, and the truth is, most people avoid the silver lining of the pain, and they circumvent and move on, never allowing the pain to arise, so they can meet it; but by doing so, we rob ourselves of what’s real & true.
When we meet it and heal it, we can create true connection with another. It’s the key to intimacy & fulfillment in relationship.
To do this, we have to test our own Chakra response and see what happens in our own nervous systems when we exchange energy with others. It’s a self-referencing, which gives us a natural rapport with our own system, so that we can create safety around the wound.
This is the key to fulfilling, happy intimate relationships.
Do you know what is REALLY true for you in your energy system? Do you know what YOU really desire, regardless of what others are choosing?
Have you taken the time to know what happens for you, on a physiological level, when you give & receive energy?
If you’d like to explore your truth about what you desire and how it feels for you to receive loving attention, get a reading. I’d love to work with you!
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