It was first grade.
We’d had a “Mad-Minute” timed test and I couldn’t do as many subtraction problems as fast as those around me.
That day, the teacher gave me a sticker too, anyway, out of pity. I knew in that moment, then and there, that I was missing something everyone else had.
I was different, and to top it off, people would lie to me about it, to save face and not have me feel bad, they’d reward my dumbness, out of pity.
Thus started a childhood of pretending I knew things when I didn’t. Of hiding my embarrassment or shame by hiding myself. Acting cool as best I could, and hoping people would just ignore me.
It seemed to me that all around were kids who knew things. School was not a place of fun or exploration, but a scary place where I was the odd man out, the stupid one, the one God had forgotten, for clearly I had no talent.
My mom put me in piano lessons. He tried to teach me how to play by drawing diagrams of fractions. My seven year old self thought, huh? and my idiocy was confirmed once and for all. Clearly, I was dumb.
I remember when I saw one of my first psychics and she said, “You are so creative!” I said, “Huh? No, I’m not, I don’t do anything.” She asked about my career. I was an elementary classroom teacher.
She said, “Well, that sounds very creative, setting up your classroom, designing your lessons, working with kids, that’s all very creative.”
I pondered her point of view and realized that perhaps I did have some creativity.
Later, other psychics would point out my talents and prompt me to play with activities I enjoyed.
It was really through psychics and healers that I figured out what I loved.
I’d spent so many years hiding, attempting to be perfect and please others, I didn’t know what I had to offer. I enlisted “seers” to reflect me back to myself.
As an adult, I had to unlearn all the patterns I’d put in place to protect my sensitive child’s heart. I am only now beginning to practice my arts, play and allow myself to really be seen.
I couldn’t find acknowledgement in the confines of public education. I had to dabble, like Harry Potter, in the magic arts, before I began to see my gifts.
Can you imagine if Harry had only ever stayed in the Muggle world? He’d grow up to think he was different, an outcast, strange. His amazing gifts and talents would be lost, and he’d shrink to fit in to a world too ordinary for the likes of him, or he’d just rot away in the cupboard underneath the stairs.
After years of teaching, and seeing kids just like me, far too disgruntled and feeling stupid for not getting silly assignments, I began to see the disservice we do when we try to categorize the magic of being human.
We take extraordinary talents and cast them aside, as they won’t show up on our multiple choice tests, nor will they fit in our automatic grading scanners.
I saw children full of laughter and delightful humor, who could charm a room, start to cry at their inadequacy and so called, “lack of smarts.”
Fast forward to today, and I am a woman who realizes that we each do hold a special gift inside, but if we compare or believe what others say, we might dampen our own light, put it away, and attempt to conform, so no one will say we are different.
Now, I see that my magic was in talents not measured by tests, nor even acknowledged or known to the people who called me, “student.”
My gifts of sensitivity, intuition, imagination, dreaming, visions and an inner knowing were never diagnosed, for they could not been seen with the eyes.
I do what I do now, as a teacher, writer and a psychic, to be the harbinger of hope, the light house to the child within us all, who thinks that they do not belong.
I bring the message to the masses of young people, teens, and other adults too, who never felt special, whose subtle gifts were ignored…that we all, each of us, have a soul signature, a unique gift, an offering for the world.
These special gifts cannot be measured with the instruments of man, but are stirrings of vibrant vibrations, smiles that ignite pleasure, love that warms, and healing hands that soothe by a mere touch.
We are like music that rises up in the ether- undetectable to the eye, but healing to the soul.
I am a light house for those of you who wish to delve deeper into your sensitivities. Those of you with children who you know are special, but the school says they must be drugged.
I am a messenger with a ministry sharing the voice of reason, that we each have our own way, the unique imprint of our soul that offers what only our soul can.
I read energy to reflect back to you what ordinary eyes may not be able to see.
I look at your spirit, the untarnished part of you not hidden away from the world. I look beyond the veil, to coax you and your unique soul out to the light of day. Once, when you were a child, you might have decided to hide it away…
Come, my friends, join with me. Let the uniqueness of our soul gifts emerge from the dark places where we cast them out from a world with measured tests and bells and systems to corral.
What those who came before us forgot, what the current system forgets, is that we are precious lights, radiant hearts, blood bumping magicians, and our greatness can not be measured, nor can it be contained, not anymore. The time has come. The time is now.
We are claiming our lost soul parts, reintegrating to be whole, dancing alive the dark, so it may marry our radiant light.
We’re learning the art of being a soul, and for most of us, we need to approach with amusement and play, it’s time to begin again, with kindergarten for our soul.
P.S. If you liked this post, please like it! Leave a comment below and let me know you were here. Let’s connect! What are your superpowers?