Lessons Learned from Labor and Birth Part 2: Control

dreamstime_xl_62542208This blog is part of a series. To read part 1, my birth story, click here.

The first lesson of my labor was that there were many lessons. I learned about humility, being a perfectionist, control, fear, and how much I accommodate others, even in the midst of my own labor.

I’ve read that we labor how we live. If that’s the case, I live strong, independent, on my own, and without needing much help from anyone. After all, I’ve got this. I’ll likely do it better and faster, so I need not even ask you to help. 

I also live with a lot of tools, and ample introspection.

The first lesson I’d like to unpack and share with you today, is about control.

I literally thought that if I prayed, and visualized and set my intention to have birth go the way I imagined it, then it would.

In all my fear, I forgot the very lessons that I teach to others when it comes to manifesting. It’s important to know what you want, but leave the how up to the universe.

I knew I wanted a graceful, easy labor and birth. And, I got stuck on thinking I could control how that happened.

For me, I imagined dim lighting, classical music, essential oils filling the air with scents or bergamont and orange.

I figured my honey and I would make out during labor, I mean, after all, they say the same hormones that got me into this, get me out. 

In reality, I went from pretty much being able to walk around and do things in the house and not need much, to being totally internal, on hands and knees in the shower, and unable to really talk.

Little did I know that active labor for me would feel a lot like being sick. I don’t know about you, but makin’ out is the last thing on my mind when I’m ill.

So, I realized that I had a lot of fear around labor and birth. Who wouldn’t? It’s depicted so inaccurately, and women inherit messages that it’s unmanageable and utterly painful.

In my fear, I thought I could control how it would go. Not consciously. Not really. If you’d asked me, I’d be the first to admit that we can’t control life, we have to let go.

And yet, this birth, I can see I was determined to control it. To only have it go one way, and that was the way I envisioned it, and anyone who told me differently would get a stiff lip from me.

I was devout in my opinion that my birth was going down all natural, graceful, easy, in a tub, with people around witnessing my strength.

In reality, I got what I wanted. I had an easeful birth, all natural. However, it looked nothing like I envisioned. I didn’t get to control the “how.”

Isn’t this the way of life? We get to set our intentions and use our thoughts + words powerfully to create forms that we desire, but there is free will and choice, and there’s also destiny and contracts that we have.

This is another huge theme I see in life. I often have fantasies about how things will be in the future, not based on reality. To truly manifest our visions, it’s vital to get real about what’s going on here + now, before we can change it, here and now, and thus in our future.

Denial of emotions, or reality now, (my fear) and vigilance that it only be one way, (control) don’t mean that that will happen. That’s not actually how we manifest. Actualizing what we desire takes altering our vibration here and now, which means changing what’s really going on for us in the present, right now. To do that, we have to dig deep, and get real.

So often people think that if they just focus on being happy, even when they aren’t, that then they’ll be happy. Then, when that doesn’t work, we think we’ve tried “everything” and nothing works, and we get resigned and cynical.

The truth is, we actually have to own what’s really going on in our energy right now. If we’re afraid, or trying to control, it’s not helpful to ignore that. We have to own it, and then correct it, by having correct perception.

It’s vital to be real. Authentic. To own our shit. The Law of Attraction, or manifestation, isn’t about pretense. It’s okay to own where you are and then reach for a better feeling thought from there. Skipping from shit to magical happiness doesn’t work, for we really create from our real vibration in the moment, and not our false, fantasy thoughts.

Otherwise, we’re spiritual bypassing– hoping (fantasy) that if we just ignore reality, we’ll magically get a greater future, different from what’s really going on now. This is the BIGGEST mistake we make in trying to alter our experience of life.

My vision of my birth was a fantasy- it wasn’t based in reality. The reality was, I was afraid. I feared intervention, a c-section, medical emergency. I bypassed that, and just pretended all was good. I still got a great birth, with no problem, but had I owned the truth, I could have healed my fear, and thus actually experienced being more connected and supported by others in my birth, vs. trying to control, do it right, and be brave (i.e. I’ll do it alone).

So, to create what we desire, from what I can see, we have to be that vibration, authentically, here and now. And we have to heal or own if we’re not being the vibration of what we desire.

To do that, we have to let go of fear + thus, control. When we’re afraid of something, and we’re unwilling to look at it, then we’re not actually manifesting our highest vision, we’re really denying an aspect of self, remaining divided within, and trying to control by avoiding truth.

 The best we can do is let go and swim along with the rest of everyone else, whilst working on our own energy + vibration, first, and remaining open to truth, reflection, and reality.

My birth was beautiful. It was as it was, which is perfect. And in all my fear, I clung to the fantasy that I could make it go some particular way, and thus thought I had it all together, and missed out on some opportunities for healing, for fear of putting any attention at all on reality.

May this be a reminder, whatever is going on in your world right now, that there’s magic at play. We have destiny to surrender to, and contracts to fulfill, and things will happen as they must. And yet, we also must be willing to look at what’s really real for us, here and now.


All my love,


Rachel Claire


This blog is part of a series. To read part 3, click here. 


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