It seems that my most popular blog post ever was one where I emasculated men. To all the men who read this blog, to all men everywhere, I am sorry.
Read on to find out why I am giving up emasculating men forever, and how you can too.
I’m watching Beyonce’s, Life is but a Dream special on HBO. There is a scene where she toasts her husband, Jay-Z. She says, “You taught me how to be a woman. How to live. You’ve given me so much in life. There is not enough I can give you. I want you to be happy. Every year I am more in love with you. I want to spend everyday of the rest of my life with you. Everyday I thank God for you.”
The depth of her love, respect and admiration for him is clear. Palpable. It moves me to tears.
Then, they are singing along to the song, “Yellow. by Cold Play. They are singing to each other playfully. Beyonce says she feels like she is one with him. I watch their love and the sweet, intimate moments between them and I am overcome with emotion.
Love like that, honor, partnership, fun, being deeply in love, I don’t remember the last time I felt that way. It has been a long time since love has felt like anything other than pain.
I realize, as I am devouring every page, that due to the fear I had for my father starting at a young age, I fear all men.
I don’t trust them. To protect myself, I attack.
I’ve been castrating men much of my life.
Not knowing how to put down my sword and not have an adversarial relationship, I judge them harshly.
I’ve known for a long time that my father leaving affected me. I’ve read and owned that due to this I likely pursue unavailable men, and act out that wound of abandonment.
This realization, however, the one of fearing men and attacking them, castrating them to lessen their power, this is a new level of “a-ha” for me.
Until this book, I had altogether forgotten that as a girl, I feared my father. He was angry, mean and big.
Then he was gone.
Now, I am angry and mean to many men in my life who get too close. I punish them for being less than perfect, for not doing it how a perfect woman would.
I recall the end of a relationship. He told me my anger had pushed him away. Didn’t he understand I was so angry because he had been such an asshole?
I left our relationship righteous in my position that he was really the reason it didn’t work out.
This book, The Queen’s Code, reminds me in clear language and examples that I am the source of the world I see.
I feel inspired to listen to the men in my world. To honor who they are. To realize that I am safe. I can relax, put down my sword and let them be on my side, as mighty companion, knowing there may be good reason why they do as they do.
It says in the book, “Castration is how all women bring out the worst in men.” (click to tweet this)
If I intend to be met by a man, to have a partner and to experience awe inspiring love, then I must do the down and dirty work of owning ALL the places within that I hoard hatred toward men.
I’m scraping out moldy areas, long hidden from view, full of distaste born from a fearful child who knew not what to make of her pissed off daddy.
Repairing the Divide
The book illustrates that, “by nature, men regard women with love and trust, seeking intimacy and willing to cherish them. Over time, when a man is castrated in a relationship, in a family, in an organization — even in a society — he will respond to women in a way the opposite of his nature. One of his initial reactions will be to keep his distance instead of seeking intimacy.”
Short-term Effects of Castration/Emasculation
- Sudden LOSS of POWER
- Mental response of DISMAY or DISBELIEF
- Emotional response of RAGE or FURY
- Physical response of DISARMAMENT and/or STRIKING OUT
Long-term Effects of Castration/Emasculation
- COMPETE instead of CHERISH
- Keep DISTANCE instead of seek INTIMACY
- Approach with SUSPICION instead of TRUST
- Treat with DISDAIN instead of RESPECT
- Relate from FEAR instead of LOVE
“Over time, castration will cause a man to anticipate women with suspicion instead of trust. After being castrated — again, in a relationship or a society, or anywhere in between — a man will eventually come to relate to women — a particular woman, or all women — from fear.”
I feel excited. One aspect of the feminine coming into her power is that she will honor her masculine counter part. In reverence and awe, together, we shall repair and reign.
I vow to give up castrating men forever.
I’ve been sleeping with the enemy. Today is the first day of my renunciation. I look to the honorable and powerful men in my life for support in breaking this life-long habit and I ask my sisters to join me in renouncing their right to castrate men.
Learning to trust men takes faith and determination. Faith in our own feminine power. Faith that we are powerful together, or equally weak.
Here are just a few ways women emasculate men:
- Withhold appreciation
- Withhold admiration
- Withhold participation
- Withhold sex
- Don’t let them impress you
- Compare unfavorably – be impressed by someone else
- Don’t trust them
- Assume insincerity
- Don’t need them for anything important to you
Here is Your Homework:
- Notice how you castrate men. Specifically, your methods “to deprive of strength, power, or efficiency; to weaken.”
- Pay attention to how and when other women castrate men.
- Observe how other women react when they witness a man being castrated.
- Notice how men respond to being castrated.
- Don’t assume that a man “feeling bad” is the same as emasculated. Watch for a reduced ability to produce results.
Sisters, read the book, The Queen’s Code. Learn powerful tools to relate with the men you love and BIG differences between women and men.
Let’s heal the pain we’ve inflicted out of ignorance and fear.
Men, thank you for all you provide, I appreciate you.
Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Let’s start a conversation that matters.
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In love and peace,