I’ve drunk of truth serum. I am going to tell you what most women won’t tell you. I am going to share what my sisters and I talk about when men aren’t around. I am going to shine the light on what we call an “epidemic.”
Successful, powerful women are seeking companions
I hang with friends, who I call sisters, and they are all powerful, wise, playful, creative, brilliant women. Many of us are not married. We aren’t even in long-term successful relationships.
The conversation amongst us often goes like this: Where are the available guys? What is this push-pull dynamic? Why can’t we find men who can step up and show up? Where is their power?
We find comfort in knowing it is not just happening with one of us, but seems to be happening for all of us.
We say that men have the Peter Pan syndrome. We laugh from our pain that guys our age often say, “I feel like you want something from me.”
We fall in love with them and chase them around because they are talented, creative, fun, sexy, present, deep, wise.
Yet, as soon as we swoon and begin to open our hearts, we get met with the classic, “I don’t want a relationship.” Or, “I don’t want anything serious.”
Women want you to proclaim, protect, and provide
Here is the secret: women want the three P’s. Proclaim, protect, provide. We want you to proclaim your love for us. Declare your love. Mark your territory. Yes, we want that. It’s sexy.
Instead, we get men who say, “I am not that interested in you.” Or, “Let’s have an open relationship, I’ll be with you, and anyone else I want and as long as I don’t perceive you to need or want anything from me, we’ll be great.”
We desire to feel your power and your passion and receive the proclamation that we are your girl. And, we’d love to actually have it be okay if we did need something from you. Needy is so out that it’s back in. (click to tweet)
Turns out, we rely on each other. We do. And it feels good.
After that, we want to feel protected. We want you to support us, walk along side us, be our companion, partner. Protection can look so many different ways.
Have you ever asked your girlfriend, lover, beloved, playmate, “What does support look like for you?”
What happened to courting?
I love when a man asks me on a date. Plans it. Chooses the restaurant. Pays for the meal. Drives me home. Opens doors. Walks me to my door. Kisses me goodnight. Courting is a dance, a delightful, pleasurable art that can unfold into a fan of creative passion and play, if only one can initiate. Truthfully, we can ruin a relationship by skipping this slow courting dance and rushing into physical intimacy before we’ve nurtured our hearts.
Finally, we want you to provide. This is where I think it gets scary for men and why they shy away from any responsibility towards a woman. I imagine it must be scary to grow up in a world where you are expected to be so powerful, strong, capable, to provide, to be successful, and driven.
Yet, the truth is, you can provide for women inside of the container that is the modern day. Modern-day women earn income, money, resources, have friends, communities, practices. We don’t need you to provide everything. What’s so scary?
The way we want you to provide is through love, compassion, listening, support, occasionally taking us out, treating us to a nice dinner, surprising us with tickets to our favorite ballet, or a weekend get away to healing waters. Oh, and flowers, don’t forget flowers. Or, not even. Some women don’t even want that, but do you know what she wants? Have you asked her?
Men, show UP!
We want you to show up. Stay in the scary places, push ever in, go to the depths, take a ride, enjoy the journey!
We’ll be your companions and co creators. We are living with our eyes wide-open. We don’t expect happily ever after.
We are children of the baby boomers and hippies of the sixties, our mothers burned their bras and broke us out of the bondage of the fifties house wife.
Get in the game and be willing to be burned by the fire, all that happens is you grow, learn, die to the old and rise like the phoenix, to meet the new.
Relationship is where growth happens. It is the rub of the pearl that makes it shine.
So what if we want something from you? Who cares? What will happen?
We are not your mothers, we won’t engulf you and eat you alive. Neither will we abandon you and leave you to die. It’s time to heal that wound, and the best way, is through the powerful initiation of a woman.
The truth is that you are afraid you will lose yourself, lose all control, be taken over.
Surrender to the nectar of that scare that turns to sweet honey bliss. You know you want to. And if you can’t surrender, get help! See a therapist regularly and work out your issues before you chase your life away.
Notice, do you fear a relationship? Do you feel a conscious fear of intimacy? (And have an unconscious fear of abandonment?) Do you want to be in an open relationships with no agreements? Do you proclaim your affections for the women you desire?
Are you currently pursuing someone who is unavailable, either because they live far away, do not want you, or are involved with someone else? Is this a way you protect yourself and avoid relating deeply with others?
No, this isn’t all men. Yes, it is a trend among the thirty something people I hang with.
The women want to know, men, when are you going to choose to show up and grow up?