Why I Give Up Castrating Men Forever and How You Can Too

308002_10151322486211234_1441194007_nIt seems that my most popular blog post ever was one where I emasculated men. To all the men who read this blog, to all men everywhere, I am sorry.

Read on to find out why I am giving up emasculating men forever, and how you can too.

I’m watching Beyonce’s, Life is but a Dream special on HBO.

There is a scene where she toasts her husband, Jay-Z. She says, “You taught me how to be a woman. How to live. You’ve given me so much in life. There is not enough I can give you. I want you to be happy. Every year I am more in love with you. I want to spend everyday of the rest of my life with you. Everyday I thank God for you.”

The depth of her love, respect and admiration for him is clear. Palpable. It moves me to tears.

Then, they are singing along to the song, “Yellow. by Cold Play.  They are singing to each other playfully. Beyonce says she feels like she is one with him.

I watch their love and the sweet, intimate moments between them and I am overcome with emotion.

Love like that, honor, partnership, fun, being deeply in love, I don’t remember the last time I felt that way. It has been a long time since love has felt like anything other than pain.

Later, I am reading a book (a man I’ve been seeing sent it to me). It’s by Alison Armstrong and it’s called, The Queen’s Code.

I realize, as I am devouring every page, that due to the fear I had for my father starting at a young age, I fear all men.

I don’t trust them. To protect myself, I attack.

I’ve been castrating men much of my life.

Not knowing how to put down my sword and not have an adversarial relationship, I  judge them harshly.

I’ve known for a long time that my father’s leaving affected me. I’ve read and owned that due to this I likely pursue unavailable men, and act out a wound of abandonment.

This realization, however, the one of fearing men and attacking them, castrating them to lessen their power, this is a new level of “a-ha” for me.

Until this book, I had altogether forgotten that as a girl, I feared my father. He was angry, mean and big.

Then he was gone.

Now, I am angry and mean to many men in my life who get too close. I punish them for being less than perfect, for not doing it how a perfect woman would.

This book, The Queen’s Code, reminds me in clear language and examples that I am the source of the world I see.

I feel inspired to listen to the men in my world. To honor who they are. To realize that I am safe.

I can relax, put down my sword and let them be on my side, as mighty companion, knowing there may be good reason why they do as they do.

It says in the book, “Castration is how all women bring out the worst in men.” (click to tweet this)

If I intend to be met by a man, to have a partner and to experience awe inspiring love, then I must do the down and dirty work of owning ALL the places within that I hoard hatred toward men.

I’m scraping out moldy areas, long-hidden from view, full of distaste born from a fearful child who knew not what to make of her pissed off daddy.

Repairing the Divide

The book illustrates that, “by nature, men regard women with love and trust, seeking intimacy and willing to cherish them. Over time, when a man is castrated in a relationship, in a family, in an organization — even in a society — he will respond to women in a way the opposite of his nature. One of his initial reactions will be to keep his distance instead of seeking intimacy.”

Short-term Effects of Castration/Emasculation

  • Sudden LOSS of POWER
  • Mental response of DISMAY or DISBELIEF
  • Emotional response of RAGE or FURY
  • Physical response of DISARMAMENT and/or STRIKING OUT

Long-term Effects of Castration/Emasculation

  • COMPETE instead of CHERISH
  • Keep DISTANCE instead of seek INTIMACY
  • Approach with SUSPICION instead of TRUST
  • Treat with DISDAIN instead of RESPECT
  • Relate from FEAR instead of LOVE

“Over time, castration will cause a man to anticipate women with suspicion instead of trust. After being castrated — again, in a relationship or a society, or anywhere in between — a man will eventually come to relate to women — a particular woman, or all women — from fear.”

I feel excited. One aspect of the feminine coming into her power is that she will honor her masculine counter part. In reverence and awe, together, we shall repair and reign.

I vow to give up castrating men forever.

Learning to trust men takes faith and determination. Faith in our own feminine power. Faith that we are powerful together, or equally weak.

Here are just a few ways women emasculate men:

  • Withhold appreciation
  • Withhold admiration
  • Withhold participation
  • Withhold sex
  • Don’t let them impress you
  • Compare unfavorably – be impressed by someone else
  • Don’t trust them
  • Assume insincerity
  • Don’t need them for anything important to you

Here is Your Homework:

  1. Notice how you castrate men. Specifically, your methods “to deprive of strength, power, or efficiency; to weaken.”
  2. Pay attention to how and when other women castrate men.
  3. Observe how other women react when they witness a man being castrated.
  4. Notice how men respond to being castrated.
  5. Don’t assume that a man “feeling bad” is the same as emasculated. Watch for a reduced ability to produce results.

Sisters, read the book, The Queen’s Code. Learn powerful tools to relate with the men you love and BIG differences between women and men.

Let’s heal the pain we’ve inflicted out of ignorance and fear.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Let’s start a conversation that matters. 🙂

If you enjoyed this post, please sign up here for my free monthly newsletter and stay connected!

In love and peace,

Rachel Claire


  1. I HIGHLY recommend Alison Armstong and all of her teachings!! Having completed most of her courses, I have grown myself and thereby attracted the extraordinary, loving partnership with my beloved man! A TREASURE TROVE of information!!!

  2. Thank you! This gives me a (little) more faith in most women of today..
    Simply……. How can a man respect a women with these trates.

    If we lose respect for each other then things are pretty hopeless..

    I am thankfully in a wonderful relationship and i am very greatfull and blessed to have a kind and conscientious women after so many demanding, self important and yes violent relationships!!! (broken nose with ashtray and two broken ribs).
    ” No i didnt deserve it and no she wasnt arrested and locked up)”

    Thank you for making the effort and caring enough to want to show women how they can behave and treat men . (And yes, if any one is thinking… some men treat women badly to, but for ones lets talk about mens rights for a change). These days mens rights dont really exist…… Time For Change!


    Thank you Rachel

    1. Hi! Thank you so much for reading and for taking the time to comment. I appreciate your perspective! Yes, here’s to transformation for all of us and a mutual honoring of the divine feminine and masculine. 🙂 <3

  3. I find it especially sad that no one else has commented on this page!
    This says alot.

    Most women would rather blame men than take responsibility for there own in inadequasies..

  4. And then the one you trust and fall in love with will devastate you and you will come back down to reality, where women are not the enemy and men are not white knights or saints who excrete tender, fragrant white rose petals.

    Silly, silly womanchild. Your low self-esteem and desperation to conform and be accepted will someday betray you. A male will see through your disguise, find where you are vulnerable and destroy you. And on that day you will learn: The Queen has a Sword for A REASON.

    Write back to us then.

    1. Hi. Thanks for writing. I don’t accept that I am a silly woman child with a low self-esteem, but thanks, anyway for sharing. 🙂 I don’t think a man could destroy me either, I’ve lived long enough to have been through many of my own heart aches and relationship woes, only to find that I am responsible and accountable and willing to accept my choices, forgive, grow, and move on. I wait for no white knight, though I do think we women can learn to give up our judgements of men and be willing to support them and love them where we’ve only once judged or treated harshly. This way is not for all, clearly, as you prefer to be the Queen of Swords. That’s great for you, and you need not meet me where I am, nor must you follow what I write. I’ve been vulnerable, and plan to ever be, for there, in my raw and realness, I can meet another authentically. Glad you stopped by and took time to comment. Blessings, Queen!

  5. Aloha Rachel!
    From the dates on this post, it seems I am a little later in discovering this information.
    Just recently I happened upon the Queen’s Code. Randomly. Though I don’t believe anything is so random.
    And then today, I was doing another search for a particular article from Alison Armstrong, and lo and behold I saw your name and a this blog in my search results.
    I gotta say: I am so happy to see that you too were exposed to this beautiful story The Queen’s Code.
    I’m only on chapter 3 and my heart is aching and I feel such a shift within me.
    This sudden ability to take responsibility for all of my experiences with men. Whoa. If someone had told me years ago that I could experience this, I would have laughed at them.
    Whew. What a blessing this knowledge is!
    Sending you gratitude for your heart and your vow.

    1. Aloha Faith! So glad you found the Code and my blog about it! What wonderful information. Much love to you! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. xo

  6. Hey Rachel Clarie I am a 25-year-old male and I’m currently working with an office full of chemo which is great on the outside but majority of the time I feel like I am being emasculated and psychologically castrated for just being me can you give me any tips or pointers on how to move about in the workplace ?

  7. I read the “Queen’s Code” while on vacation recently, after a nine month prodding by a good friend who wouldn’t stop talking about how much I could learn from it. She was absolutely RIGHT! No wonder I can’t have lasting relationships…every one of them turns adversarial. I also recommend Allison’s book, “Keys to the Kingdom.” It is the prequel and lays out Men’s Stages of Development. I am working toward implementing the thought processes, and while a complete reset in the way I think, I can see my relay with my son and Father is strengthening. So grateful to be given the opportunity to change my course.

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