A New Year’s Reflection
In 2012, I served young people, at the elementary school where I taught, for the last time.
We practiced yoga together, did daily meditations, raised their test scores, reading levels, discussed puberty and maturation and I assisted them in preparing to embark upon adolescence and Middle School.
We danced often, frolicked in nature and spent time at an outdoor education school.
Together we rocked the play-ground with four-square and the teachers even beat the kids at the annual kick-ball game on the last day of school, where I played pitcher in my fairy-queen outfit, complete with a tutu, wings and crown.
We tore down the room, trashed the old and save the treasures. We had a group hug and every last one of us ended up in tears.
They told me they did not want to go. I said, “I know. I understand. But, go you must, you have so many wonderful adventures awaiting you.”
As they filed out the door with hugs, high fives and goodbyes to last a life-time, my heart ached, and I gushed rivers of love out after them.
I locked the doors, turned out the lights and put the closed sign on Ms. Haynes’, fifth grade teacher, Queen of Four Square, Best Teacher Ever!!
I bounced around Boulder, then flew to California for a ten day silent meditation retreat called Vipassana.
After that, I flew to Ohio to visit family, ended a relationship, started a blog, wrote daily and began laying the groundwork for a new career.
After years of service, I wanted to see what happened if a thirty-four year old single woman, with no kids or husband yet, set out to cultivate self-connection and creativity in a free and thriving environment.
I cashed in my retirement and deposited the biggest check I’ve ever owned into my bank account.
I took a nutrition and cooking class, painted my walls, and stocked my cupboards with gluten-free, dairy free and sugar-free foods.
I bought an apron and for the first time in my life, I relished cooking delicious foods with a new-found confidence and took on self-care at a revolutionary new level.
I started volunteering with 5 year old kids at a home school based on Waldorf Education.
Best of all, I started a fantasy novel for young people.
I’m in a transition, and these take time. Rome was not built in a day, nor will I see the fruits of my labor in a short time. However, the courage it took for me to begin to tell the truth to myself, heed the call of my soul, and risk it all, was a monumental and life changing event.
I am mining the rich vein of my heart’s desires.
I’m building the road to my dreams.
In the process, I will be gentle with myself, remembering that this is a transition, and forging a new path can be an arduous process of one step forward, two steps back.
What matters is that I leapt, I am on the path and I am doing the work to create a life in line with my heart, my soul and my deeper calling to reach more people, write creatively, and heal via my sensitivity.
I sit now in a cafe, looking out the window upon the wintry lights and icy snow. In the depth of winter I am cold and look forward to my trip to Tulum, Mexico, on the 12th of January for Sara Avant Stover’s Yoga Teacher Training.
I will retreat and nestle in to have Her voice heard.
I will replenish and release and tap a deep source of inspiration and love, ready to return to the states, and this new year, with a passion to show up with more of me.
If 2012 was about truth and freedom and risk and letting go, 2013 will be about calling in, receiving, and growing ever bigger.
I intend to be gentle with myself as I carve a new path. I plan to nurture myself deeply with food, rest, good friends and fun times.
I will move my body. I will devote time to yoga, prayer, meditation.
I will write and write and write and finish that book and publish it for all the world to see.
I will dig deep trenches of power and truth and share myself more fully with the world, that I may die knowing I was thoroughly used up, of service and utterly altered from this life.
I will love better. Bigger. More. I will tear down these walls I’ve used to hide and venture out with pride.
I will smile.
Tell the truth.
I will whisper loving words of approval to the little one within, until she believes every last word.
I want to feel peaceful. Calm. Confident. On fire. Passionate. Excited. Motivated. Strong.
I want to build a team of people around me. My spirit family. My nearest and dearest, inner circle, and together we shall fan each others flames and rise up into our most magnificent selves as we mirror one anothers greatness on this good red road.
Calling in my spirit family, my tribe, my highest Self to weave the life I cam here to live… And so it is.
With love and passionate sparks for your utmost vitality,
Watch this cute video to see Ms. Haynes’ class of 2012 spontaneously begin chanting. I wonder where they learned that?
What a beautiful soul you have! Those kids’ lives will be changed for the better forever.
Thank you. How kind of you!!