How to Talk to Your Child about Sex

“Before the child ever gets to school it will have received crucial, almost irrevocable sex education and this will have been taught by the parents, who are not aware of what they are doing.” ~ Mary Calderone

What does talking to kids about sex have to do with being psychic? One could say that being psychic could also be called being sensitive. I am interested in all things related to how we thrive in this world, and if you are sensitive, harboring feelings of guilt or shame about your sexuality do not make for peaceful living.

If we are not peaceful and in acceptance of ourselves, then how can we show up fully with our gifts and contribute to the world? Being sensitive and intuitive and hearing our own guidance within has everything to do with how at ease we are in our lives and how much we accept ourselves.

Healthy living is something we must learn. The time has come to unlearn what hasn’t worked for us, and to embody our wisdom and truth as women, and pass that on to our children.

As an educator, advocate for young people, and a sensitive, it is my mission to serve well and share what I have learned to create healthy new dynamics for future generations.

What qualifies me to educate about how to talk to your children?

I hold a Master’s Degree in Education and have over ten years experience working with young people and teens in public schools.

Four of those years were spent teaching about the human body to 5th graders in a maturation unit. I have experience educating young people and I know firsthand how eager they are to learn about their bodies and how difficult it can be for parents to discuss puberty and sex in the home.

Here are my tips on how to talk to your young person about sex:

1.Get comfortable with your own body and sexuality first.

When we have small children, it is natural for them to touch themselves. If you are uncomfortable with your own sexuality, you may shame, punish, or subtly send messages of discomfort about bodies to your young.

Regardless of what you say, your child will intuit your feelings and adopt them for themselves.

Here are some ways to begin to embody your own sexuality more comfortably:

Set aside “self-cultivation” time with yourself 2x a week to get to know your body.

Read some feminine-positive literature and get acquainted with your femininity.

Read erotic literature.

Dance!

Take warm baths with candles and scented oils.

Journal about when and where you feel uncomfortable about sex.

The best things we can do to teach our children well is to learn in and model it for ourselves.

2. Answer their questions honestly.

As soon as your child is old enough to ask questions, they are old enough to hear the answers. The days of the one “birds and bees” conversation is over. You can’t set a side a time for “the talk” and never return to the subject again.

Offer truthful answers, using scientific/proper terms that directly answer their questions. Do not over-indulge and cross a boundary, but it is absolutely okay to teach your child about their body parts, what they are for, and what sex is. Simply state the truth, the penis enters the vagina and that is how people have sex.

3.  Keep the lines of communication open.

Have books around the house that answer questions for your kids. Find age appropriate books on-line or at your local bookstore. There are a variety of great books with pictures and diagrams that can open lines of communication.

Knowledge is power and the sooner you open up the space for real communication to happen, the sooner you become a trusted confidant for your child. Then, when important situations arise as your child grows and becomes a teenager, they are more likely to keep those lines of communication open and come to you for advice.

4. Limit access to internet and violent media.

As an educator, I was often saddened and surprised by what my young students were allowed to watch. Violent movies and television frequently feature sexuality with women in the role as a victim.

They will learn enough once they are older, no harm in maintaining some innocence in the final years of childhood.

Additionally, ensure you have locked down your internet so your child does not get their own sex education via pornography on-line.

I cringe to imagine that some of my innocent, young students first encountered sex through pornography. Early exposure can lead to addiction to porn, and creates harmful circumstances in adult relating, when men objectify their partners and participate in sex as if pornography is the normal way to connect sexually. At the very least, this exposure can be shocking and confusing.

It’s important to know that your child may or may not receive maturation or sex education. Currently, some districts have just switched over from being “abstinence only.” Therefore, many teachers are unsure of what’s okay to say and what is not. As a result, to play it safe, your child may learn very little at all.

You can’t leave it to the teachers at your school to teach your child about sexuality and the human body.

If a young person is not able to get a straight answer from any of the adults in their life, they will look to their peers to fill in the gaps. That’s not good.

In most states, units on the human body will only be taught in 5th, 8th and 10th grades. In some schools, health is an elective in 8th grade, so unless your child opts in, they may not receive sex education at all until they are about 16. (5th grade maturation units do not discuss sex, only puberty).

Thank you for taking the time to read about this important health issue. Pass this article on to those who may benefit and share the love!