I’ve been wrestling with the awareness that what’s fun for me is changing. The types of people I desire to be around, have changed. What I want to do in my spare time, it’s different.
I’d been judging myself quite a bit and feeling sad. I was berating myself for not being a better friend, or making more time for people in my world.
When I really sat with it and asked myself some questions, I could see that what’s true is that I’ve changed.
When you’re struggling with something, some great questions to ask are as follows:
- What is this?
- Can I change it? If so, how can I change it?
- Is this the change I’ve been asking for?
Upon deeper reflection, I realized that I’m 36 years old and I’m entering a different phase of life. I desire to be in partnership, create a home with someone, have a family.
I don’t enjoy the parties I use to go to, or even some of the friends I use to have.
What I use to think was fun: partying, big social events- none of that really appeals to me anymore.
If I’m gonna connect with a friend, I really enjoy one on one time so we can go deep and mutually share. If we’re gonna make plans to get together, I need support in getting into nature, going for walks, hikes, and doing yoga. The last thing I want to do is drink or stay up late.
The purpose of my relationships are different now.
Once upon I time I seemed to need to know the “cool” people, be in the “in” crowd, have lots of friends, feel connected.
Now, I like just a few, real friends. I like nourishing experiences, rich relationships with depth.
Superficiality, surface chit-chat, and casual acquaintances? They do nothing for me.
Just as I’ve honed my craft, I’m honing my circle of trust. A good, loving partner. That’s what I want. A few good friends. Some nourishing social time. Plenty of alone time. 8 hours of sleep. Writing time. Client time.
As I mature, life gets simpler. I realize that loving myself is a high priority and that looks like nourishing people, places and spaces.
It looks like valuing my vibration and who I share myself with.
It looks like holding in the treasures of my heart, holding them close, letting them out only to those who have proven that they’ve earned my trust.
That’s the value of love, of honor, of depth and of real relationships. They’re earned. They’re full of respect. They’re small places we carve out in a brash and brazen world, where we get to shine our light and be seen and loved.
Lately, that’s my purpose. To make small pockets of safe and nourishing love. And if I’m witnessed only by one other, that’s good enough for me.
What’s nourishing for you these days? How do you feel deeply satiated and loved?
To deep love, real connections, nourishing spaces and a heart-centered life,
XO
Rachel Claire
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