How Single Women Can Avoid False Intimacy and Attract Authentic, Deep, Relationships


Many people speak of shining their light. I believe this is what we are here for, to learn to show that part of us that is the Divine, the eternal.

To shine our light, we must be present and be authentic.

To be present, we must be anchored into the body, be here & now, fully aware with the light of our consciousness. We must stop chasing fantasies.

When we are sick, using drugs or alcohol, engaging in unhealthy relationships, or lying to others & having messy boundaries, we can’t shine our light & be fully present.

If we never stop to reflect & think about what got us to where we are, if we never stop moving, then we miss the lesson.

We have to get honest with ourselves, slow down, feel & reflect on where we’ve been and how we got to where we are now.


This is why it is so vital to meditate & cultivate a practice of stillness.


This is why we must know ourselves, for if we don’t know who we are, we can’t honestly share ourselves with others.

Some people meet someone who is so charming & bright & charismatic & we think they’re amazing.

We idolize false Gods, we project a fantasy onto the other person & we think we’re seeing them, but we’re not. 

It takes a long time to really know someone, as the reality is that many people are wounded, hurt, and wearing masks to protect themselves from further pain.


To know if you really know someone, ask yourself these questions:

  • How long have I known them?
  • Do I know their family or friends?
  • Am I in an attached, secure, relationship with them, or is it superficial?
  • Do they answer my questions directly, or do they go off on tangents & confuse the story?


So many of us being raised by narcissists & challenged parents, deal ourselves with narcissistic tendencies.

We want to over-emphasize who we think we are, create false images in the mind’s of others. It’s even easier now with the onset of Social Media & Facebook.

We can craft an image, create a brand & market ourselves to others.

We see people do this all the time. It’s the same with famous people. We think they have this glamorous life, but how often do we find out that behind the scenes they are addicted to drugs, suffering in aloneness, fighting their inner-shadow?

In this day & age it’s important for single women to realize that often we are in love with a projected fantasy. Someone appears to be attractive, well-off, successful, and well liked.

Yet, are they really? Do you know anything about them?

The problem is that sometimes the most charming, charismatic people are feeding you lies. They get in your third-eye and scramble your knowing. They confuse you. They divert your attention from your questions & distract with stories.

A word of caution here to single women everywhere, who are really looking for love, but finding only hurtful relationships, or none at all…

It’s time to really think about what unconscious belief systems are keeping you attracting the same types of men, it’s also time to get real about those red flags, or early warning signs, that you KNOW are there, but still, YOU CHOOSE to stay in relationship with people who do not offer you anything real.

If we don’t see the lessons, then we don’t receive the healing & we don’t evolve. We’re here on earth for our soul to learn lessons. We can resist them & avoid them, but then we’ll bring them on, even stronger & more overtly in our face.

So, get real about what you’ve heard in the past about who you are, or what it means to be a woman, or what men are like. Think about who told you that. Is it yours? Do you believe it? Does it apply now?

If not, make it conscious & it goes away.

All we need to do is notice the unconscious pattern that’s at play. Then, we can make a different choice & heal.

As far as the men you meet…

Here’s what some men do to create a false sense of intimacy:


Compliment you:

You’re beautiful. You’re amazing. 

Well, that’s all great, but why is someone NEW (who doesn’t even know you) telling YOU about YOU? How well do they know you? That’s something narcissistic & psychopath men do.

It’s great for people to say nice things. Is this a new guy, who doesn’t know you, who is SO into you, that he’s saying things he can’t even really know about?

Make future plans: 

I’m from Paris, I’d love to take you there some day.

This creates a future between two strangers & makes women, often times, swoon. Buyer, beware!

Tell you a sad story from their child-hood:

Then, they watch your face for cues to see if you are impacted emotionally, and then they know they have you! They can appeal to your empathy & compassion.

I’ve worked with many women who experience this, and I have experienced these things myself. I know that if we want a secure, attached, mature & REAL relationship, then that relationship has to stand the test of time.

We have to be able to be real with ourselves about our own unconscious patterns running the show, and we have to own that perhaps we stay in relationships with people we don’t respect, or people we can’t trust.

Stimulating ourselves, having shallow connections, and partying, don’t really make for true intimacy. It’s a drug. 

If you want depth & true intimacy, it is found in slowing down, and being still. For abused or wounded people, stillness equals danger.

Get real about what you want & be willing to walk away from anyone who can’t actually meet you in deep waters & share with you on a deep level.

Someone shining a false light on you, full of attention, charm, & charisma is fun, but it’s not lasting. They can turn it on & off. It’s a fantasy. And when it goes away, the pain of your old wounds will resurface.

That’s your invitation- to remember that you can shine your light on yourself. You can engage with people who really want to know who you are, on deep levels. You get to be that powerful & inviting stand for you.

Let’s leave shallow seas.

In love,


Rachel Claire

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