For awhile, I’ve been wanting to share with you about a book I’m reading. Seeing the author, Shefali Tsabary, on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday this week was the final omen that had me say, I must write about this book!
Oprah starts the show by calling, The Awakened Family, revolutionary.
It truly is that, and I hope it starts a revolution…one in which children are allowed to be who they are, without the heavy constraints and expectations put upon them by parents. The reason this matters so much is that permission to be who we truly are is cultivated in our families. If we are taught from a young age that we’re some how wrong, that we’re not enough, or that we must achieve to please others, then we’re always set up to fail.
Now that I’m a mum, I already see the way adults around me say to Sophia, who is only 5 months old…”What will you be when you grow up?” Or they say, “What college will you go to?” And I smile and silently cringe.
For I know that my daughter, if I do my job well, will be herself when she grows up. And that is good enough.
And any expectation that others put upon her to be anything other than herself, or to go to college, or follow in any of those standard practices that make us fit in to the tribe, will only rob her of her innate right to be authentically, freely, who she is and to choose for herself.
Shefali says her mission is to help parents reclaim their lost self, so they can then meet “the spirit of their child, who is whole, complete, worthy and abundant.” Only then, can generations be free.
I feel that how she describes her work in the world truly gets at the heart of my work in the world, both as a teacher and as a psychic reader and coach.
When I give a reading, I see all the places where as children, my clients inherited messages about who they had to be and how they had to be, to please or fit in. And I help my clients erase that energy, and update those pictures, and break those cycles of inherited conversations about money, or sexuality, or how one has to be, so that my clients can be free to be authentically themselves.
These expectations are put upon us by our families, passed down through generations, and create an energy signature that we live out, until we bring these patterns into the light of consciousness.
This points to exactly why I left the public education system as a teacher. I saw how much pressure and expectation was being put on our children to perform, and how teachers and parents and politicians alike were buying into the lies that somehow our children aren’t enough as they are, they that must compete and outperform other nations’ children to be seen as successful.
Wow, what a trap.
Shefali says that these expectations on our children is at the root of every problem in our society, and I believe she is right.
All of life is a process of evolution, evolution means that we are always reaching toward reclaiming and evolving towards oneness with life. Somewhere along the way, we forgot that we’re one with something greater.
Becoming conscious means to recognize when that moment arises, when life gives you an opportunity to choose in any moment to remember, to evolve, to be aware.
Children are the ushers of this greatest evolution because they are the closest to oneness.
This is the dance of spiritual awakening that children allow us…to realize how much we can control, vs. where we have no control.
Ultimately, this book is a journey of reclamation of the Self.
Here are a couple of Myths of Parenting that Shefali shares in this book:
- Parenting is about raising a child
She says that until we ourselves have parented ourselves to our highest possible evolution, we have no business thinking we can “parent” another. This especially applies to children who are under the age of 5 and are already living in the present moment, free of mind identification and a desire to fit in. Reign your ego in, parent yourself, then you’ll attune to your child and allow space for your child to unfold.
- A successful child is ahead of the curve
The mad delusion is that we’re doing this for our child. We believe success creates the “holy grail” of life.
- A good parent is a loving one
All you need to have is love. No, actually Shefali says, “Love your kids a bit less, as love is messing this up.” Love is blind. And what that means is that you’re actually so consumed by your need to be loved back, by your need to feel love yourself, that it’s all about you. Real love comes without any condition, without any hand asking for something back.
Love without consciousness becomes need, dependency, and control.
- Parenting is about raising a happy child
Our children don’t need to become happy. Life is not about happy happy. It is about being engaged with life.
To experience the moment as is. To engage fully! It is our sacred obligation to not teach our children to run away from life as is.
Shefali says her mission as she raises her child is as follows:
Raise a child who is firmly rooted in who she is, who is certain of her worth, able to express herself with authenticity and be grounded in the truth of their relationship.
The true job of the parent are the following two tasks:
- What is this moment reflecting about my unfinished issues?
- We only have control over the conditions we create in our home.
That’s it. We can create a peaceful, loving home where we create the conditions, and a safe space for our children to become their highest selves.
Again, this is about consciousness. Our children are here to make us a more conscious person. Only.
I hope that you’ll check out this book. Whether you’re a parent or not, it’s a revolutionary tale in how to heal and be our most authentic selves, and no doubt, you’ll see something for yourself in your relationship with your own parents that could offer deep healing.
All my love,