How to Not Be a Crappy Person
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” ~Mother Teresa
I’ll never forget my first year of teaching when I was upset by what another teacher had said about me, and I went in to my mentor and shared with her my feelings.
She wrote the following words on a sticky note and handed it to me:
It read… Assume positive intent.
I was floored. Those three simple words forever changed the way I would relate to people.
I realized, then and there, that I had the power & the choice to reframe my upsets, and when I wasn’t clear about another person’s words or intentions, I could assume positive intent.
What would that create if we all assumed that people were well meaning?
For, what happens when we don’t?
Most of the time, my world consists of beautiful, loving people who are kind.
I’m grateful for the beings that grace my world & extend their love.
I should be even more grateful for the few jerks who shock me & remind me I still have places to heal where I desire to be liked & approved of.
The fact is, we can’t please everyone, and not everyone will like us.
When we meet someone who treats us NOT as we would like to be treated, we get an opportunity to practice extending our love, healing energy & grace toward that person, regardless of their choices, and we also get to choose to remove our energy if we so desire, and take our loving vitality elsewhere, somewhere it can be received, reciprocated, & appreciated.
I write of this now because there have been multiple occasions of this in my life.
It came firstly over a year or so ago when someone who I deemed to be a friend, lashed out at me via an email, accusing me of things, and cut off all communication after that.
This person never once chose to treat me as a human being with feelings & a heart.
They lashed out, accused, and retreated & I no longer see them anymore.
I was hurt. I felt misunderstood, wrongly accused, sad, and frustrated that there are people out there in the world who would think so poorly of me, when I work so hard, day in and day out, to do my best to be loving & kind.
The error here to me, was a blasting of painful energy, and then no open-ness to two way communication, reaching peace, or hearing me out.
There was no opening for restoration of justice.
There was no care to know my perspective.
There was only war, accusations, and misinformation.
Recently, it happened again.
A new acquaintance in my circle, a person I was kind to, extended love, offered support of their art in the world, even paid my hard-earned money, believed a lie about me and cut me off with absolutely no attempt to communicate.
Check your facts, folks. Before you go doing damage that can’t be undone.
My whole point here is this: Communication is access to power.
Through communication, and by that I mean- listening & hearing & getting the other person’s world & also sharing your own point of view, we begin to cultivate trust, honor, appreciation, understanding, peace & love.
We are in this together. No one is getting out alive. We are on this planet together, one people, one love.
I don’t have to like you, and you don’t have to like me.
If you do like someone though, isn’t it worth a few moments of your time, to show up to the table of relating, and share the truth?
Is it not better to attempt to see into the world of another and seek understanding, then to simply cut yourself off?
Here’s the catch: I believe that when we cut people off, when we block them, cease to include, and thereby exclude, we are actually cutting ourselves off from our own receiving.
Anywhere we will not receive from someone, is a place where we are crafting a boundary, a wall, a conclusion, a judgment, justified, & we’re being righteous, and refusing to receive the energy of someone or something that could actually be a HUGE contribution.
It is worth it to explore with someone sometimes when we are hurt, triggered & in judgment or think someone has “done” something to us.
This is a great lesson, learning opportunity, teaching, showing us a part of ourselves that is wounded & unhealed & thinks it needs protection.
Inevitably, eventually, we are coming home to the one, we are one, I am you, and so long as you see me as outside of yourself, a separate enemy, we perpetuate a planet of war.
Won’t you join me in looking a bit deeper, taking an extra moment of pause before judging someone, and extend your divine love, and seek ye first to understand?
In her new book, The Art of Empathy, Karen McLaren cites that the old definition of empathy was to feel what another is feeling. That is no longer enough.
The new definition of empathy is to feel what another might be feeling & then take action.
This is a sign of empathy that is fully realized.
Empathy is having sympathy, compassion, altruism, being able to share emotions with another, and then take action to do something to respond to the emotions you sense that another is having.
Love is action.
We need to take action, to respond, to be there for others we love.
Join me in creating a more loving world, where we respond to one another? Let’s assume positive intent & be the vessels of Divine Love that we truly are.
Please leave me a comment! How does it feel when someone senses your needs & responds? Do you assume positive intent? I’d love to hear from you in the comments below!
All my love,
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